Nevermind...wrong list!
I just love the end of the year! In addition to the holidays, parties, shopping and other festivities, it's also a time of year that most of us reflect on the things that have happened in the past year, the things we hope for the new year and the resolutions that we will make to transform ourselves from our "end of year rag-tattered self" into the better version of "our new year new self!" I also like to take the time to remind myself of all of the things I am thankful for in my life. However, since I haven't had a good rant in a while...I'll start with those things that not only am I not thankful for, but frankly wish I could resolution away in 2012.
Now, those of you who know me know that in addition to being a mom to an almost 5-year old (The Mayor), I work in a pretty demanding job and am the wife of an amazing DH who subsequently has been contracting in
another state after getting laid off late last year. What some people don't know is that on top of it all I have a
fatigue disease that lets me function at that "if I could only get one
more hour of sleep" level - ALWAYS. I also have a list of other fun
ailments (that's a post in and of itself!) that get me regular trips to lots of
___ologists. I go through life reciting my mantra "I'm doing the best that I can." So in the spirit of doing the best I can here are some of the things that this over-stressed mom could do without in 2012.
The daycare commentator. With the most "well meaning" of
tones, this person is quick to point out any of the insecurities you have as a
mom who's child is in daycare. "oh look Mayor, you're not the last one
here anymore!" Really? Cause if I may recall, daycare is open until 6...at
5:45 I'm feeling two steps ahead for the first time all day, so thanks for
giving him something to talk about in therapy when he's 30.
The what-are-you-bringing-to-the-politically-correct-school-party list.
Now, because you child is the last to be picked up from school (wink!), most of
the spots on the sign up sheet are taken...and it's the Harvest party
(conspicuously held Halloween week) so you're stuck getting the Pumpkin
Bread. Pumpkin bread, not so bad you say?!? Well, you tell me where I'm
supposed to find Pumpkin bread made in a nut-free facility! I failed miserably.
Three stores later I bought the $6, whole grain, all natural, organic, made by
a cloistered nun pumpkin bread. Subsequently, I was given the look of utter
dismay...and the Pumpkin bread ended up in my office. Going forward, I will
bring cheese! Yes, my son is lactose intolerant, but I'm bringing cheese.
P.S. I'm sure there will be a "Holiday Party" at school...but I'll be darned there is no sign up sheet yet. So this weekend I'll go food shopping and then the list will be out on Monday - thereby ensuring I'll be running to King Soopers the morning of to get whatever we are signed up for. I would love to be proactive and get cheese, but you know some other "doing the best she can mom" will beat me to it on the sign up sheet. Argh!
The witching hour caller. It can be your brother, your single
friend with grown kids or even a telemarketer, but this is that person who
times their call right in the middle of the chaos that ensues when you
walk in the door at the end of the day. You know, that exact moment when you
can't get your shoes off fast enough to get a parched starving camel a drink
and a snack; while the dog is going crazy, coats are flying and all you have to
do is pee and get dinner on. Seriously, unless someone has died or you need me
to take you to the hospital I'm not hearing a word you say...that's if I can
even answer the phone. Oh, and they always leave a message containing the
words "hello!?! You must be home by now!"
You should just ______. Why yes, I know I should just
sit though the Weight Watchers meeting rather than just show up to weigh. And
BTW, I also know that if I just worked out more my numbers would be
better. Did I mention that I'm acutely aware that just going to bed
earlier would help me feel more refreshed, just taking a walk at lunch
will keep me from afternoon snacking and just doing something else that
would only take five minutes would change my life miraculously. Cause
wow, if I just had five minutes I'd shower with the door closed!
There's a membership for that. Has anyone else noticed that you
can get a membership for every personal therapy/treatment/service known to man
these day? I have to be honest, completely taking out the financial
factor...where would one find the time? I am a drive by therapy/treatment/service
consumer. I get a massage when my back is in pretzels and I'm on the verge of
snapping at the next person who can actually walk upright without the help of
two Aleve. And, I've probably made the appointment 1/2 hour ago when I saw
a window of opportunity. Yes, I would love an unlimited monthly wax
package...but I ran out of the house today leaving my son with a girlfriend who
had an hour to spare while I got a (more than) much needed bikini wax because
hubby was coming home after being out of town for three weeks and I really
wanted----ok TMI. But really, if it weren't for that razor with the built in
shave lotion thingy around the blade I would shave my legs...never.
Really,
I am doing the best that I can. I'm living the best life possible with the
circumstances that surround me. I don't need anyone to be hard on me, I'm hard
enough on myself already. Right now, I'm going to head to bed so I can go
to a ____ologist check-up in the morning. Which leads me to:
The appointment confirmer. Thanks for leaving a message on the
answering machine to confirm my 8:30 am appointment. As for that part about
calling you back to confirm that I got your message confirming that I will be
there in the morning-since it's 8pm and I just walked in the door, and your
answering service is picking up calls-I sure hope you're expecting me when I
get there .
Cheers!
P.S.S. Don't worry, in the interest of fairness I'm already working on the list of things I am thankful for.
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