Thursday, December 15, 2011

Things to be thankful for!

Nevermind...wrong list!

I just love the end of the year!  In addition to the holidays, parties, shopping and other festivities, it's also a time of year that most of us reflect on the things that have happened in the past year, the things we hope for the new year and the resolutions that we will make to transform ourselves from our "end of year rag-tattered self" into the better version of "our new year new self!"  I also like to take the time to remind myself of all of the things I am thankful for in my life.  However, since I haven't had a good rant in a while...I'll start with those things that not only am I not thankful for, but frankly wish I could resolution away in 2012.

Now, those of you who know me know that in addition to being a mom to an almost 5-year old (The Mayor), I work in a pretty demanding job and am the wife of an amazing DH who subsequently has been contracting in another state after getting laid off late last year. What some people don't know is that on top of it all I have a fatigue disease that lets me function at that "if I could only get one more hour of sleep" level - ALWAYS. I also have a list of other fun ailments (that's a post in and of itself!) that get me regular trips to lots of ___ologists. I go through life reciting my mantra "I'm doing the best that I can."  So in the spirit of doing the best I can here are some of the things that this over-stressed mom could do without in 2012.

The daycare commentator.  With the most "well meaning" of tones, this person is quick to point out any of the insecurities you have as a mom who's child is in daycare. "oh look Mayor, you're not the last one here anymore!" Really? Cause if I may recall, daycare is open until 5:45 I'm feeling two steps ahead for the first time all day, so thanks for giving him something to talk about in therapy when he's 30.

The what-are-you-bringing-to-the-politically-correct-school-party list. Now, because you child is the last to be picked up from school (wink!), most of the spots on the sign up sheet are taken...and it's the Harvest party (conspicuously held Halloween week) so you're stuck getting the Pumpkin Bread.  Pumpkin bread, not so bad you say?!? Well, you tell me where I'm supposed to find Pumpkin bread made in a nut-free facility! I failed miserably. Three stores later I bought the $6, whole grain, all natural, organic, made by a cloistered nun pumpkin bread. Subsequently, I was given the look of utter dismay...and the Pumpkin bread ended up in my office. Going forward, I will bring cheese! Yes, my son is lactose intolerant, but I'm bringing cheese.

P.S.  I'm sure there will be a "Holiday Party" at school...but I'll be darned there is no sign up sheet yet.  So this weekend I'll go food shopping and then the list will be out on Monday - thereby ensuring I'll be running to King Soopers the morning of to get whatever we are signed up for.  I would love to be proactive and get cheese, but you know some other "doing the best she can mom" will beat me to it on the sign up sheet.  Argh!

The witching hour caller.  It can be your brother, your single friend with grown kids or even a telemarketer, but this is that person who times their call right in the middle of the chaos that ensues when you walk in the door at the end of the day. You know, that exact moment when you can't get your shoes off fast enough to get a parched starving camel a drink and a snack; while the dog is going crazy, coats are flying and all you have to do is pee and get dinner on. Seriously, unless someone has died or you need me to take you to the hospital I'm not hearing a word you say...that's if I can even answer the phone.  Oh, and they always leave a message containing the words "hello!?! You must be home by now!"

You should just ______.  Why yes, I know I should just sit though the Weight Watchers meeting rather than just show up to weigh. And BTW, I also know that if I just worked out more my numbers would be better. Did I mention that I'm acutely aware that just going to bed earlier would help me feel more refreshed, just taking a walk at lunch will keep me from afternoon snacking and just doing something else that would only take five minutes would change my life miraculously.  Cause wow, if I just had five minutes I'd shower with the door closed!

There's a membership for that.  Has anyone else noticed that you can get a membership for every personal therapy/treatment/service known to man these day? I have to be honest, completely taking out the financial factor...where would one find the time? I am a drive by therapy/treatment/service consumer. I get a massage when my back is in pretzels and I'm on the verge of snapping at the next person who can actually walk upright without the help of two Aleve.  And, I've probably made the appointment 1/2 hour ago when I saw a window of opportunity.  Yes, I would love an unlimited monthly wax package...but I ran out of the house today leaving my son with a girlfriend who had an hour to spare while I got a (more than) much needed bikini wax because hubby was coming home after being out of town for three weeks and I really wanted----ok TMI. But really, if it weren't for that razor with the built in shave lotion thingy around the blade I would shave my legs...never.

Really, I am doing the best that I can. I'm living the best life possible with the circumstances that surround me. I don't need anyone to be hard on me, I'm hard enough on myself already.  Right now, I'm going to head to bed so I can go to a ____ologist check-up in the morning.   Which leads me to:

The appointment confirmer.  Thanks for leaving a message on the answering machine to confirm my 8:30 am appointment. As for that part about calling you back to confirm that I got your message confirming that I will be there in the morning-since it's 8pm and I just walked in the door, and your answering service is picking up calls-I sure hope you're expecting me when I get there        .


P.S.S.  Don't worry, in the interest of fairness I'm already working on the list of things I am thankful for.

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