Fill in the Blank Friday

Trying Something New!

I have not been into my blogs for so long. Not sure why, because they are something I enjoy and desperately want to be more committed to. So, in an effort to make a start, I'm going to try this "Fill in the Blank Friday" that I've heard so much about from other bloggers!

So here goes:

1. One of my happiest moments ever was when my son was born! The day Hubby and I got married is a close second, but was definitely beat out by the amazing birth day. Now, let me add that the day and the birth basically sucked...but wow, the instant change from being a "couple" to being "our family" was just so amazing. I love our little family and it's the most important thing in the world to me.

2. Summer is wedding season and weddings are fun, exhausting, emotional and optimistic. I love weddings! I especially love being there to help two people take such a huge step. It's so easy to get caught up in the love and promise they hold. Then you get to dance and eat and drink and dance and...

3. This summer is kind of turning into a blur. I don't know why I still have the "school year" mentality. For as long as I've been out of school you would think I would know by now that summer is just another part of the year. Nothing really changes like it did when you were a kid and finished that last class and ran out the door. I'm struggling a lot more than usual with this summer...I just miss the beach. I really wish I could show my son how different a summer is at the beach.

Old beach photo that I still love!

4. My summer food of choice has been tacos. Ok, not really sure how tacos fit into summer, but I've eaten a lot of them lately; and I'm okay with that. I'm kind of in a food rut these days, so maybe I need to mix it up a little this weekend and see what happens.

5. My summer uniform has been so much more casual then ever before!! I'm almost embarrassed. Last summer I could not get enough of cute dresses...but this year if I put on shoes other than flip flops I feel dressed up. I've even taken to wearing super casual shorts to work. Yesterday, I even sported my weekend "barely there" ponytail.

6. If I could spend the entire summer in one location I would choose to hibernate at Uncle Dick and Aunt Carolyn's beach house in Oregon. I would move in with hubby and son. We would grill oysters and take long walks down the coast. I would read lots of books and maybe even do a jigsaw puzzle or two. I would watch less TV, maybe write in a journal (to post eventually on my blog), and drink yummy Oregon wine every night with dinner. Wow, that sounds so heavenly I almost started packing!

7. My summer anthem is doing the best that I can! I seem to say that a lot lately..."I'm doing the best that I can." I would love to be able to get it all together and not feel so disconnected...but hey, I'm doing the best that I can. In the end though I keep telling myself - It's going to get better!!

Well, hope the weekend holds amazing things. I'm also hoping this will inspire me to blog a little more often. Cheers!

One Person's Reality is Another Person's Entertainment

I love my reality TV! I also love Celebrity Pop Culture! Couple those both together and it's been a magical week for this TV Voyeur. So it's time for a little collection of Rants, raves and whatever else spews:

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie
He's everywhere...he's over the top...he's just losing it! I'll admit, at first it was interesting...the interviews were impossible not to watch. Then came Twitter; and all the record breaking that came along with it. But here's the thing...Do you think we might be cyber enablers? I started to feel a little guilty, like I was doing something wrong. It was like my watching, laughing and gasping were somehow encouraging him. I guess time is only going to tell how this saga is going to turn out.

Bachelor - The Final Rose is coming!
We have a little friendly competition in our house. Hubby thinks it's Brad and Shantel... Corbin and I are singing the tune of Brad and Emily sitting in a tree...
Since we are so close to finding out the conclusion, leave it to the crazy magazines - you know, the one's we buy at airports (ok, that's when I buy them; and, my sissy got off the plane with an armful!) - well, they are all screaming their version of the ending "TRICKED BY EMILY'S LIES" and "SECRETS OF THE PROPOSAL." Let's face it, the final rose could not come fast enough for me.

American Idol
I don't watch Idol. Love Steven Tyler...Love JLo...still don't get it!

Have you met the Real Housewives of Miami?
Love my Bravo fix, but I'm not feeling this new chapter. They all kinda like each other, they're not super controversial and I have not identified which one (if any) is the crazy. To quote my friend Chris, "The just make me wish I had more money!"

Train Wrecks Everywhere
Besides Charlie, the Train wrecks still seem to be getting all the attention - Drunk Christina, Thieving Lindsey, Defending her Mommy Miley.

Things I Love this week:

• Piers Morgan's tweets
• The Trailer for Cars 2 - coming out in June
• The notion that William & Kate launched "The Official Royal Wedding Website"

Things I could do without:

• The vision of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson dating
• That darn Justin Beaver
• One more mention about MTV's Teen Mom's

Mmmmm...Chocolate!

So what is it about chocolate? Is it that it's readily available...especially in most offices? Is it that it comes in so many form - bars, kisses, chips, blocks? Is it the mere fact that the word Chocolate is both a noun and an adjective?

Who knows! What I do know is that chocolate for me is pure happiness.

For the last three weeks I have made some serious strides in eating a healthy, balanced diet. Part of my eating regiment has been to enjoy a yummy piece of chocolatey goodness each afternoon. My chocolate of choice today was a Ghirardelli dark chocolate square. There was something so amazing, so cathartic about eating that square today.

How could a piece of candy have such an impact that hours later I am still thinking about it? Let's look at the reality...it's chocolate...it's got antioxidants, it's good for your heart, it stimulates endorphins and it has...even been shown to help lower levels of bad cholesterol. Wow...it's not just candy...it's a miracle food.

So cheers to having a little happiness and a square of chocolate each afternoon!

Happy New Year...just 18 days too late!

I have not sat down to write my blog in way too long. I am not really sure why I have not written, because I have had an almost constant yearning to do so. It’s the same old tune – work, life, whatever just always seems to get in the way. So here goes…

The last few months have really been about discovery. I don’t even know what that means, but I feel like I have discovered things within myself that I was not aware of, or not sure they were still there. The most important thing is that I now know that I need to continue this feeling – the feeling of discovery - throughout 2011.

Goodbye 2010!

I think I will always be one of those people that get all nostalgic and optimistic about the change of the year. Nostalgic for all the things that have happened the previous year; that 365 days of experiences, smiles, tears, love, loss and life. But I just love the optimism that comes with that ball dropping at midnight…the promise of a new year, a new start…a clean slate.

Greetings Clean Slate. Welcome 2011!

This is however the first year in a really long time that I don’t have a long list of resolutions for this new year. I surprised even myself by this, but the more I thought about it I realize that the 2010 was all about doing things a little different. So instead of resolutions for 2011, my goal is to refine what I already started. I am simply just going to keep going.

Mother...

There was a time in my life when I thought that I might not be a Mom. Wow, what a crazy thought. I’m so glad that there were other plans for my fate. There are days when I feel like this is what I was born for and then there are others where I wish I could sit my little three-year-old down and explain to him that two failed epidurals, full on labor and having a c-section anyway gives me the right to watch Bravo instead of Sprout. Oh, it will be so much easier when he understands what any of that means.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I am officially missing my mom. However, I am extremely fortunate because my mom is in New Jersey – and not gone from my life like others I know. So for Mother’s Day, I thought I would give a few shout outs for some of the mom’s in my life that brighten or have brightened the lives of those around them:

Julie (my mom!):

Thanks for being a fabulous mom. You have always done the best you know how. Thanks so much for spreading your love to my friends who have had to say goodbye to their own moms. I love you. Wish you were here to spend Mother’s Day with me.

Judy (Chad’s mom):

I miss you! Thank you for raising a wonderful son, who is a wonderful man. You would be so proud of the husband and father he has become.

Lori (A’s Mom):

Deep down, I know you have Jersey in you…and I love you for it. A is very lucky to have you in her court.

Carole:

You are classic, old fashioned and full of sunshine – about a perfect combination. Thanks for being here for us since Judy has left us.

Michelle:

Thanks for Amy…enough said!

Ada:

Having one is hard enough, how you did it on your own with five seems unfathomable. Amazing.

Think about all the moms you cross paths with daily…every story unique, every life their own. Take a minute this mother’s day to say thanks, thanks for being mom to you, your husband or your best-friend. Say thanks to those birth-moms who loved in a different way, who loved enough to allow another woman to become the mom she was destined to be. Say thanks to a single mom who is doing it on her own, and to every mom who is simply doing the best she can.

Tomorrow I am going to say thank you to my son – because of him I get to be called MOM!

The Family Snapshot

Family is such an amazing thing…or should I say families and the dynamics that happen in them every day. Every day, we are surrounded by so many different types, styles and make-ups…it’s a wonder that anyone ever coined the phrase “traditional family.” Really, does such a thing exist? But really, does it matter?

I love my little family…father, mother and…well simply put, the light of my life! And in the last few months I have come to the hard realization that my family is complete. Hard realization because I LOVE being a mom. Having my little boy just gives me so much happiness…but I have limits, real or imagined, but they are my limits, and they tell me that this just needs to be enough. I’m okay with that!

I have also had to come to some other realizations in my life, the biggest being that no family (not even my own) is ever going to be perfect. Rain will fall, parents will fight and milk will always spill. But you know what, every day I am learning that it is okay. I’m also starting to think that perfect is an illusion that was created to make us all feel like crap when we have PMS! Ok, maybe not, but for whatever reason, every woman I know has gotten caught up in that need to be perfect. Misery loves company…so it’s good to know that I am not the only one who does this.

The hardest part about making my family work, and the struggles that it takes, is that it is hard not to feel the emotions that are happening in families around me. Right now, I am feeling a roller coaster of emotions for one family. Those around them are watching as a little family falls apart. But the roller coaster of emotions comes from the sadness of witnessing it, the awe of watching my friend show characteristics and grace that I could only dream of possessing and the happiness I feel knowing that we all get to watch it rebuild. The best part of the emotions is feeling confident that it will rebuild into something different…something new.

This week also presented some news on another family. This family is one I only know from a far. They are more like acquaintances to me, but there is a bond that connects us. See my son is named after a friend of my husbands. The funny reality is that it was really…just because we liked the name. But because the name is not common or heard every day, it creates a connection. Well, Big Corbin has been battling a brain tumor and as of recent, the prognosis is not so good. This little family is suffering in a way that I could never, don’t ever want to, imagine. Right now, the most amazing thing is that through it all they are fighting for their little family. They are doing the best to have as normal of a life as time and circumstances will allow.

On the other end of the spectrum there is another family that just confuses me. Oh this family makes me lose sleep at night…tossing and turning consumed with grief, anger and just plain old dumb-foundedness. Now, every family has a certain level of dysfunction, but it is how we chose to deal with it that is the true reflection of the effort. How is it that this family can make a conscious decision to live in chaos? I think the thing I struggle the most with is that the family operates on a hierarchy of selfishness. By no means am I posing as an expert on parenting or marriage, but this is not a tactic that works. The reality is that they will continue to wallow in self made misery – and sadly, we will probably watch as the next generation lives on to repeat the same pattern.

Back to that premise of the “traditional family”…

When I look around at the people in my life I can only say that I…and my son…are lucky to have such diversity in the families that surround us. From my best friend the single mom who has plenty of ups and downs with her own children (her family!)…yet has enough room in her life to take on more “children.” To my other best friend who’s family is a map of the world in both ethnicity and character - constantly facing challenges and obstacles…usually not of her own making.

Big ones, little ones, ones with steps, and some with no pets…traditional or not…thriving or merely surviving – you will find some that need your help, some that need your prayers – and sometimes you just sit back and laugh. Like I said…I love my little family. I love my big family too, the big family that is made up of all the people surrounding my little family - my lifeblood, my oxygen.

Images, Questions and Love

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love.

Those who know me know that I wear my Grandmother’s wedding band. It’s such an amazing band and for the five and 1/2 years it has been on my finger, it has become a part of me. A symbol of the commitment Chad and I made to each other in front of our family, our friends and the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean. But, it is actually so much more than that. I actually feel honored to wear it.

Margaret Cymerman, “Grandma Peggy,” passed away from breast cancer when I was not quite seven. So the reality is that I didn’t really know her too well. I know pictures; pictures that show her as beautiful, stylish and always “together.” But the thing is I feel like I do know her, at least in my own mind. I have developed a relationship with her because of the bond that we share - a bond that now lives within a beautiful bauble that symbolizes the greatest love of my life.

She and my Grandfather were married over 25 years. One thing that lives so vividly in my mind are the photos from their elaborate 25^th anniversary party. Now, I know that they didn’t have a perfect marriage or a perfect relationship, but the pictures of that party have become a symbol of what I want my marriage to be. She was exquisite. Wearing a beautiful long white gown with perfect beauty-parlor hair…she just looked happy. An amazing kind of happy! For most of my life now, that image lives in my head…that image is what love looks like.

This past week gave me a lot more to think about. You see, I have this amazing group of women in my life. These women have become such a huge part of me and it makes me so happy to be able to be there for each other through good and bad, happiness and sadness…love and loss. We are learning from each other that love and relationships are not all sunshine and roses. We are learning that sometimes love tests us…tests beyond our limits. However, even at the furthest of these limits, we have been able to witness the grace and beauty that comes along with unconditional love.

A friend of mine once gave me a quote about love and the uncertainties we endure and the questions we ask over and over. It’s so relevant to me today, and I dedicate this to one of the bravest women I have been fortunate enough to have come into my life:

Be Patient... toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves... Do not... seek the answers, which cannot be given... you would not be able to live with them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will... gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. --Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

What I know is that love is never simple! When I think back along the relationships in my life, I have been fortunate to know love. But now that I am older and have more life experiences under my belt, I am starting to see that some of the love that I have experienced – well, it may have not been love after all. Something different altogether, but definitely not love because I now feel that real love doesn’t go away. It changes and it changes you, but real love doesn’t end. It heals you when you need healing and comforts you when you need it most.

I have always believed that people come into our lives for a reason. Recently, something made me think that maybe it’s not just the person, but more the love that we receive from that person. I have been fortunate to have had love in my life that has sustained me…that has given me strength long after life has moved in another direction. And, it is the love that I have in my life now that shows me what life is all about.

I think once again about the pictures from Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Walter’s Anniversary and I dream of walking in their shoes. I hope for a day when my husband and I can share the longevity of our commitment the way they did that day. As the thought crosses my mind…I smile and my heart feels happy.